Breaking Up...

Before I start this blog post I would like to say I'm back. This blog was originally for a class and really only posted topics that were preset in nature by my professor. I have decided to fully devote myself to posting regularly from here on. I feel God wants me to keep up with regular posts about many facets of my life. This is a way to communicate with others and most importantly to learn from one another. Your comments are appreciated and would love to connect through this - not just Facebook.

I got dumped just days ago. I don't like using the word dumped as it sounds "highschoolish" but there isn't any other way to say it. I can't tell you how terrible it is. It's one of those feelings you really only know if you've experienced it. We were together for about a year and I thought things were going really well. But they weren't from her end. It's like taking a hot shower and all of a sudden bone chilling H20 gets shot out for no reason at all for just a few seconds. Definitely blindsides ya. The reason why? I'm not really sure. Did she lose feelings for me? Was I too much of a Jesus freak? Was/Is there another guy that she has started to have feelings for? Is she just not wanting to be in a relationship? Was I too conservative? Honestly, I don't know and it just isn't very clear. It never will be and it flat out doesn't matter.

More than anything in this world I want wisdom from God. This experience is a great example of attaining wisdom and reminding me of what is important. In everything I do I must do in the delight and glorify God (Colossians 3:23). I wasn't living like that. There were parts of the relationship that were just flat out wrong and dishonoring to God and I need to repent from that. We are sinners, we make mistakes, and we must repent. Simple, yet hard. I also need to remind myself of being yolked with someone that has the same beliefs, values, and passions.

As I was driving home from work tonight (Valentines Day - haha) Matt Redman's version of "Blessed be the name" played. The line "He gives and takes away" hit me so very hard. It is so true and was a strong reminder of who is in control and who to fully trust (Proverbs 3:5). Lastly my little brother said the following tonight while I was really struggling, "Ben you need to understand that while this hurts now, God completely knows what He is doing. You will find someone you will grow spiritually with and it is going to be so awesome. Just be patient and let God work."

Amen. God is good.

Soccer

If there is one thing I regret in my life it is to not continue my soccer career after my sophomore year of high school. I had broken my ankle for the second time that year and found myself just burned out from the sport. It got political, it got stress-filled and just wasn't the fun sport I once knew. However I wish I would've just sucked it up and kept playing.

I started playing soccer the day I could walk. My dad was my coach growing up in the recreational program for 5 years. I was fortunate enough to make select as well when I was old enough to try out. I have won the state championship 3 times with my teams I have played for and took second twice. I then played high school in the fall and select in the spring with indoor teams in between.

I remember the cold damp ice crystals on the grass at 7 am in the morning. Our parents would wake us up with a banana I could hardly put down because of the nerves and excitement of how the game would go. My stiff muscles were hardly able to stretch for game time as the cold would suffocate my body. But when game time started, all the extremities and issues were put away as all I would think about was that ball.

I write all of this not because I want you to see how blessed I was to be on such great teams. I write this to you because I want you to not give up on something. I still play soccer today but I lost a couple of my years of my life not doing what I love. Life isn't about what you don't want to do, it is all about what you do want to do.

Family

I love my family more than I can put into words. It's almost useless trying to write a blog entry on how much my family means to me, but then again, it's my blog and I want to write about things that matter. The 12 past months have been so hard on me personally. I've gone through too many things to count and just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. My emotions have been a complete roller coaster day in and day out. I have woken up mornings to find myself not wanting to move on with my life to turning to vices that aren't good for my state of being.

Some of the closest people to me don't even know all the things that have happened to me but without my family I wouldn't have been able to approach things better today than I have in months past. I have still been extremely stressed and all parts of my life have taken a toll on me, especially school. However my family is my bright shining star. They are they ones who hold me together. They are my glue. Each one of them holds such a special place in my heart and have been an intrigual part of my slow recovery of what I call life.

Because of my family I have been able to escape my extreme depression, anxiety disorder, my uncle's untimely passing, my broken engagement to a wonderful girl, and my sister's recent struggles in life. If there is one thing I am starting to realize is that this is a time in which God wants me to learn. When I am able to meet people with the similar problems in the future I will be there for them and help them understand there is a light at the end of the tunnel - there is hope.

My family is so important to me. With them I am who I am. Without them I am nothing. I feel I am going through these things because God wants me to grow closer to him and make sure I lean on him for everything and that is what my family has been able to teach me. That is what family is all about anyways isn't it?

Tips

It's how I survive. Without em' I wouldn't be able to support myself. With em' I can pay for school, car stuff, food, and dates with the ladies ;). I am a server at a restaurant and find myself not leaving for a long time and with $2.33 an hour pay, it kills you when you don't get tipped correctly. It's my only job and a perfect one with me being a college student but if people aren't generous or educated on the world of tipping it can leave you digging out the couch cushions so I can make my monthly bills on time.

Years ago the standard was %15 when folks went out to eat. Now a days it is %20. Why did it go up? I have no idea and frankly don't care, but %20 it is. It thought a couple of "rule of thumbs" would be appropriate for some of you that don't know much about the world of tipping at the restaurant... First off - it's always %18-%20 standard tip. If the waiter sucked tell the manager, and if they were awesome tell the manager. Second off - Verbalize tips are nice but we can't pay the cell phone bill with them. Thirdly - If you want to make the table your living room, leave a bit extra money as that table could've been sat and we as waiters are missing out on cliental....

Now I don't take my job for granted or expect people just to tip me well as I can act and work as I please, as a matter of fact I make sure I do well as a server and I always respect my tables as they come and go. I treat all tables the same with efficiency and respect but I do read my tables to find what is appropriate to discuss with my customers. I have found I have received many compliments and great tips in my career as a waiter so far. I love what I do and it shows.

I think in everyone's life time we all should hold some sort of customer service job. It helps us all to multi-task, deal with issues unexpectedly, and be able to communicate well to others. They are all skills we all should have down well and quite frankly I have learned a lot so far from being a waiter in those fields. So next time your at a restaurant don't just tip %20, also see if they are hiring.

Thanksgiving!

Oh where to start?! It's thanksgiving week and it has to be my favorite week of the year. This year I get to enjoy two thanksgivings. This time of the year brings forth family and food, both of my favorite things in life.

When I was growing up my family would spend thanksgiving week with my aunt and her family in Madison but now that our own family is getting older and bigger, we find ourselves having our very own year after year. The only negative about thanksgiving is I always find myself having to clean the house which sucks. Let's be honest, no one likes cleaning the house.

Wednesday is my family's thanksgiving night and thankfully (pun intended) I don't need to work. Traditional turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, potatoes, and much more I am forgetting. Thursday my brother and sister-in law have me coming over for a smaller, yet just as fun thanksgiving celebration. On the menu for thursday you ask? Much more of a non-traditional menu if you will... Chicken, unique appetizers all day, and other foods you would've find at your grandpa and grandma's.

The last 12 month's have been the most difficult of my time here on earth so far. I never thought I would have to deal with the amount of stresses that have hit me but I still have much to be thankful for. God always gives us what we can handle and we all need to be thankful that he is in control. We all need to keep in mind all the blessings we have in life, how fortunate we are with a simple roof over our head and food in our pantry. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, hope it's a great one.

Teaching in Chicago...

Chicago Urban School Experience:

St. Paul’s Lutheran Elementary School

On Tuesday November 2^nd 2010 I was blessed to attend St. Paul’s Evangelical Lutheran School in Chicago Illinois. The day was filled with much anticipation, as this was my first multicultural experience of teaching students in my life. The school was 100 percent African American and was heavily funded by the state. Two fellow classmates and I worked with 7 children from one of the 3^rd grade classes. We built a strong lesson plan, executed it and were able to connect with the students very well. I have been able to look back and assess my short but very impactful time spent at St. Paul’s Lutheran school. Through this experience I have been able to gain valuable knowledge and build a foundation of the urban setting that will grow in my coming years of being both a student and a teacher. Through this reflection I will be assessing the following:

1. How did our lesson assist the teacher in furthering the classroom objectives?

2. What did I learn about myself as a future teacher?

3. How does a teacher meet the needs of all students?

4. What techniques of a teacher are used in the area of communication?

5. How does content knowledge, enthusiasm, knowledge of diverse learners, and relationship skills impact learning within the classroom?

6. What system does a teacher implement regarding classroom management?

7. How does a classroom system of management ensure that all students are learning successfully?

8. What went well in our lesson?

9. What would I have done differently to connect the lesson plan and the children? Why?

This review of the day focuses on those questions.

How did our lesson assist the teacher in

furthering the classroom objectives?

Before we went into our rooms to meet the class we were going to be with we learned about the school itself. We learned about how the children weren’t where they needed to be in all areas of education. National test scores were not up to par and graduation rates were disappointing. With that being said the basic foundation of learning is literacy and being able to comprehend information. Our lesson plan centered around spelling, writing, and reading. Our entire lesson assisted the children to learn spelling concepts (silent letters within words, different tenses, and different ways to pronounce words), writing sentences that included the spelling words, and finally reading to the students to improve reading quality. I felt we as a group did a fantastic job in helping the students learn some material in English that would carry over into the classroom when we left.

What did I learn about myself

As a future teacher?

As this was my first experience in not only an urban school setting but also a private school setting it opened my eyes to opportunity. I always believed that I would best fit into a public suburban school setting but after this excursion my heart has began to open up to the different possibilities within the education world. I personally felt that when we as teachers can place ourselves within the lives of the

students and still holding that leadership role with respect, the students are much more likely to focus, participate and most importantly learn. I learned about putting myself within the lives of the ones I taught and made jokes and said things to them that showed them I cared.

How does a teacher meet

the needs of all students?

This is best answered in one characteristic that is most important and needed to be held highest in every teacher when being with their students. That characteristic is respect. I have found that when you care and reach out to the children they most often reach back and a form of trust is formed. When dealing with a child that is at or below poverty line, hope is something that isn’t too promising in their lives. When caring comes into play, it all changes because hope is then established through trust and will bring the child forth in their education.

What techniques are used

in the area of communication?

This is something that I will have to learn in time when one day I get my own class. However all I can do right now is observe and learn through other teachers in how certain techniques are used in the department of communication. Often times I see that consequence based classrooms are often the case in communicating to the students in what the teacher wants them to either do or to learn. This is something that is so prevalent and such the norm that I rarely hear about classrooms are structured differently than this way. If the children do their work and listen they are rewarded with either little toys and extra free time, but if they don’t, the negative side of things brings forth missed recess, extra work, and lost time with their friends.

How does content knowledge, enthusiasm, knowledge of diverse learners, and relationship skills impact learning within the classroom?

These four factors are key in not only the students learning the curriculum at hand, but also the key in one facet relating to another for a successful classroom. Content knowledge is the ultimate goal because that is where the students truly understand the information. However if the teacher is not capable of enthusiasm, knowledge of different students learning styles, and relate-ability, content knowledge can be a wasteful expectation. A teacher must be able to care about the students and when that happens, the teacher is able to be enthusiastic with his or her own class. When you care, relationship skills are built through one another that bring forth trust and once trust is secured, knowledge of diverse learners is easily tied together as both the student and the teacher can break down the wall of ignorance, disrespect, and tension in any classroom.

What system does a teacher implement

regarding classroom management?

Within a Christian private school setting, God can be openly accepted within the classrooms. I found that the system that was implemented within the classroom I was able to teach within had a stronger emphasis on God and who God not only wants the children to achieve but also the teachers as well. I felt at peace with this and thought about how powerful that is. The system that the teacher implemented tied God into the classroom which gives the children hope and a sense

of direction and purpose within life. This is a way in which children can build trust, feel secure and most of all learn about the world among them.

How does a classroom system of management ensure that all students are learning successfully?

A successful style of management needs to be executed by the teacher and the students need to follow honestly through with that style. Structure is key in bringing all the children together on the same page so that all students can learn. Structure happens when respect, trust, and caring are all in coexistence with one another. The classroom management system ensures that all students are learning when all are participating in activities, doing their work to the best of their abilities and when they ask honest questions when they don’t understand the curriculum at hand. Successful management of a classroom starts and ends with the teacher.

What went well in our lesson?

I felt what went well was the energy and passion that was injected within the entire lesson. Our lesson plan was plain and very vanilla on paper, but we as a group did a fantastic job in improvising successful techniques that drove home the goals and objectives in mind. For example we only had five words for spelling but had a total of 15 minutes to go over those words. As you could’ve guessed we really didn’t need those 15 minutes for such a little amount but with our quickness on our feet, we were able to ask the kids why they spelled the words the way they did and asked how they spelled them. That brought a sense of engagement that the kids weren’t just learning from us as the teachers but also from one another.

What would I have done differently

to connect the lesson plan to the children and why?

I believe that a solid structure and solid plan of any kind have little chance of failing. I felt through the lesson that my colleges didn’t share the same passion or drive as I did. I’m not blaming them though; I am blaming myself for that. I feel I should’ve called together the group I was teaching with to make sure we were all on the same end of the spectrum on what all our responsibilities were and what exactly all of our jobs were in getting the lesson across fully to the students. We as a group didn’t know exactly who was doing what and how we were exactly supposed to do our jobs at certain times and I thought that was very unprofessional and not a great way to show the kids we are capable of our job to teach them. Like I said earlier we did a fantastic job in improvising when we lost track of the structure of the lesson plan but we shouldn’t have been in that situation at all.

Halloween

October 1st rolls by and the leaves are starting to be noticed. The crisp cool air blows through the air as the leaves start blowing over my shoes. Football is starting to be in full effect. Lastly, Halloween starts being advertised all over the mall, television, and people around you.

When I was young I only cared about the people I hung out with on Halloween. What kind of candy I got and lastly, how long I could stay away from my house! Oh I miss those days!!! My favorite costume must have been when I dressed up like the villain in the Movie "Scream" (Dorky, I know).

This year I have been sick, dealing with so much school work and staying busy with work when not at school. I wanted to go out oh so very much this year but it just didn't work out this year. I had the best costume idea as well. From the NBC television show "The Office" I was going to write the word "BOOK" on my forehead; dressing myself as "FACEBOOK".

Oh Halloween. Every year it seems like the same old pattern of activities. However every year I miss out on everything. It seems every time I just get into the festive day, it passes me by.